Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize