Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
