My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
