You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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