she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
