captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
