Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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