vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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