my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
