I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
