So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
