Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize