Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?