that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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