I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.