Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm passing your future prison.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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