I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'