Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
