i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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