You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
