Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
someone owes me an orgasm
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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