hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
