I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
