Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
nutella sex= disaster
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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