tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
