So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
