This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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