Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
