Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
