Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
