If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
