i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
