I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
