I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
