I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
