omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
