I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
