just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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