At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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