On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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