just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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