is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
