Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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