you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
