So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
