I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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