I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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