I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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