addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
