the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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