Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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