remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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