i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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