I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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