You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just cropdusted the office
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
