I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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