I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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