sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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