I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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