I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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