Your dad touched me again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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