I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
