Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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