I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
