he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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