another moral hangover. fuck.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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